..a pensieve..

One Day..

2011-12-17T18:31:00.002+01:00

It was a lovely Sunday morning in the cold winters of Delhi. They woke up in each others arms, each caressing the other with the intangible and impeccable love they adorned. They held to each other as if this morning would never come to an end.. held tight to not let the other go... for after having a wonderful time together in last two years.. it's time for them to part.

The caretakers of the orphanage finally found surrogate parents for one of the brother's... the little one. From here on.. life's gonna change... for both of them. And hopefully.. in a good sense. Finger's crossed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

# UN's WFP

Roz Ki Baatein...

2011-11-24T07:00:00.000+01:00

zindagi.. kuch shabdon ki kahani..

kuch pal me beet jaate..

wo din ke chaubees ghante..

kuch minton ki neend..

aur chehre pe padne lagti.. wo sunhari roshni..

fir wahi..

kuch pal ke chaubees ghante..

zindagi maano ki yun.. saanson se nahi..

ghaadi ki sui se chal rahi ho.

:\

image:weheartit

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

♫ ♫ Song for the day.. Madno.. from the movie Lamhaa

Kuch Saans Bhi De Do..

2011-11-16T18:30:00.000+01:00

di hai jo zindagi..

kuch saans bhi de do.
raat jo di hai..
kabhi neend bhi de do.
jo diye hain raste..
koi manzil bhi de do.
aankhen jo di hain..
thodi roshni bhi de do.
di hai jo pyaas..
kabhi neer bhi de do.
khusboo to di hai..
bikherne ko hawa bhi de do.
di hai jo zindagi..
kuch saans bhi de do.

image: lourdesseniormediaarts@blogspot

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now Playing... Haal-e-Dil.. by BigB

I wish you did..

2011-11-14T18:30:00.002+01:00

you hear what is being said...

but u only listen..

what you want to..

the point is..

if you can listen to..

the speaking words..

between the spaces..

of the words spoken.

the words..

that have meaning..

only in silence..

only then..

you actually know the person.

image: weheartit.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Listening to.... 'Tum Ho' by Mohit Chauhan

Kuch Shabd Purane..

2011-08-14T16:34:00.001+02:00

aaj subah ugte suraj ne...

palat palat un peele panno ko..

mujh sang yaadon ko bhi jaga diya..

baarish yahan hui jo waisi..

palkon ko bheegoti.. wo..

bhini bhini mitti ki khushboo..

baithe hue khidki ke sahare...

takte yun bahar..

bheegi hui sadken.. aur unpe chalte..

kuch wo do-ek kadam..

aur fir.. naa jaane kyun laga aisa..

kareeb hi shayad koi...

ek anjaani si dhun baja raha tha..

jee to hua yun ki..

dhundhun.. dekhun.. ki wo kaun hai..

ehsaaas hua fir yun.. ki wo koi aur nahi..

bas mann ke ander ki aaawaz hai..

khush tha shayad wo..

ya fir... shayad beparwaah..

shaam bhi kuch waisi hi thi..

an-ant baatein aur..

tan tan karti sheeshe ki botle..

baat wo jo bas...

chhand shabdon me kahni thi...

naa jaane kab..

ek puri kahani me tabdeel ho gayi..

Jab dhyan gaya us...

thande padte neele aasman ki taraf..

to laga yun ki..

ummeed bas ab is aane waali raat se hai..

neendon me hi sahi..

khwab koi to naya wo le aaye..

image: weheartit.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Listening to... The Scientist by Coldplay

what went wrong?

2011-06-03T20:29:00.000+02:00

Once there was this little boy. He loved small plants. But unfortunately he had none at his home. So, he thought of planting one on his own. Upon request, his dad bought him a small sapling, some fertilizers and a small pot.

The little boy gathered all the soil he could and filled his pot with it. Mixed the fertilizer well and planted his sampling. He, then later watered the sapling.

That night he dreamt that his plant has grown tall and also has some roses budding on it. He dreamed of how beautiful his plant looked with so many colours on it.

When he woke up in the morning, first thing he did was to run to his plant and check it out. He found that the plant was same as he left it yesterday. He thought maybe he didn't mix enough fertilizer and didn't give it enough water. He pondered that may be he shouldn't have kept it in the sun. His plant didn't grow because it might have been sweating under 45°C sun.

He brought the pot inside in the shade. Mixed the entire box of fertilizer in the soil and kept watering it every hour. He made it sure that there always was more water than the soil could actually absorb. His mom told him that he was doing it all wrong. And, so did his friends. But he didn't care what others said. It was “his” plant and how can others know better than him about it. He thought everyone hated his plant and wanted it to die.

Days passed by. The leaves of his plant started drying up. The only flower that was there when his dad bought the sapling home was also gone. And one day, his beloved plant died.

He could not understand what happened. He kept thinking what went wrong. He showered his plant with so much love and care. He always watered it. He made sure his plant was not left under the hot sun. He also kept mixing the fertilizers everyday. What else did his plant want?

Today he knows, too much of anything.. kills everything. And.. too much of everything.. kills anything.

image : tallulahbelleoriginals.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Listening to... Knockin' on Heaven's Door by Eric Clapton

Defining Fiction...

2011-04-15T20:53:00.000+02:00

fiction is just an escape that was invented by people who wanted their real life to be less strange than it usually is... invented by people who couldn't accept the harsh reality that life brought with it... invented by people who always wanted to be heard and were ashamed to share what life actually had got them... invented by people who were running from themselves...

and by people who....... were strong enough to forget their worries and think about something else... by people who were optimistic about happily ever after... by people who taught us to have hope.... by people who taught us to fight and believe when no one believes in us.... by those who knew.. life could actually be different...

image: weheartit.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Listening to... No one is to blame by Howard Jones

bas palken hi to jhapki thi..

2011-04-09T23:32:00.002+02:00

ek mehfil hua karti thi yahan..
fir ab veerana sa kyun hai?
bas palken hi to jhapki thi..
fir sab badla sa kyun hai?

ek dhaga bhi to bandha tha..
fir sab beekhra sa kyun hai?
bas palken hi to jhapki thi..
fir sab badla sa kyun hai?

jab raah kabhi chhodi na maine..
fir sab bhatka sa kyun hai?
bas palken hi to jhapki thi..
fir sab badla sa kyun hai?

kuch oos ki boondein hi to thi..
fir sab bheega sa kyun hai?
bas palken hi to jhapki thi..

..fir sab badla sa kyun hai?

image: weheartit.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Listening to.. Coming Back to Life by Pink Floyd

Two Steps..

2011-04-06T18:25:00.002+02:00

when it feels.. its been eternity..
since.. u have been.. trying..

when it feels.. in life..
u have done enough.. and u can't anymore..

when it feels.. u are tired..
and.. that is all.. u are done walking..

u realise.. its actually..
just two steps.. that..u have taken so far..

and worse is.. u think..
if these were.. the right steps.. or wrong..

image: mickeymousewallpapers.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Listening to.. I wanna go Home.. by Michael Buble

Life...

2011-04-01T08:29:00.000+02:00

image: weheartit.com

Scared! Scared of yourself.. Scared of your feelings.. Scared of your way of looking at life.. Scared of your belief on relationships.. Scared of unselfish friendship.. Scared of Your love for someone.. You are scared.

You are not sure what you will be doing a little later in life.. and you can’t even look out for the answer.. because.. you don’t even know what exactly you are doing right now! You are scared of the uncertain future.. just because you feel your present hasn’t been good the way you wanted it to be. You ask yourself same question again and again.. and again. You talk to your friends of the same things. You are scared of taking a decision. You want to win.. but you don’t want to play! You are scared of the sun’s heat, unaware of the light it brings.

Scared of coming in front of someone.. a special someone. Scared of looking straight into her eyes. And you ask yourself “why?”. But the question remains unanswered. You think all weird.. You put in every odd combination of time and place.. and then get scared. You think of her all the time, walking, driving, sleeping, and dreaming. You find her every where, class, library, market, playground, canteen and cinema. But then one day you realize your heart’s broken. Well.. somebody else asked her out and you were a little late. What do you do now? Think.. cry.. dream.. and start all over again.. a new phase. And then again you find yourself.. thinking of her. But this “her” may not be the same. And you are scared. Will it happen again? Will your heart be broken again? What if the former loves you and the later doesn’t? You lie down. Stare at the sky. Scared again! Scared of all the “what?” in your life.

You suddenly realized that people around you are selfish.. and may be the friends you thought you were very close to.. are not actually the best people one can be around with. They are certainly not the greatest you ever met. And then you tend to realize.. the people who are now too far from you.. are some of the most important ones in your life! But you fail to see that they too might be feeling the same way. They might be confused and scared as you are. You are still scared. Scared to make the first move to get them back into your life.

You are scared of where you are. You want to create a space for yourself in the crowd. You want people to know you.. You want your presence to be felt.. You try.. Your opinions get stronger.. and You get nosey. You look into the matters of others, and find yourself judging more than usual.. because you feel you have better answers for life. You tend to help people in every matter; people whom you think are your friend. But then one day you realize.. there were certain boundaries in your life and so in everyone’s life which are constantly adding things to the list of.. what is acceptable and what isn’t. You learn that you got to act differently in front of different faces. And you are scared again. Scared of putting up a wrong mask at a wrong place. Scared of being what you are not.

You are scared of changing yourself as required. You try to stick to your beloved past with your life and then you feel.. the harder you try to hold on to the past.. the faster it moves further and further away from you. Away! And then you aren’t left with any choice but to move on.. Move ahead with what you have – A bunch of experience. You laugh at yourself.. you cry.. you scream.. You feel alone.. Confused and Scared.

You are scared.. and so are others. Scared of everything.. anything. And that’s life.

02:00 AM, 16th March 2007

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

P.S. Song for the post.. Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head

unwished wish...

2011-03-24T13:47:00.003+01:00

unwritten words...
unspoken phonetics..

unsung song..
unplayed melody..

unthought thougts..
undone deeds..

unaquainted friend..
unacknowledged togetherness..

unfelt feelings..
unseen dreams..

unachieved goals..
unborn life...

image: google images

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

P.S. Song for the post... Bari Barsi by joSh

Most of the time... it so happens..

2011-03-15T22:59:00.004+01:00

most of the time..

it so happens...

most of the time..

it so happens...

that..

by the time u realise..

wht u "just" did..

it is "already"..

too late...

to undo what u've done..

most of the time..

it so happens..

that..

by the time u realise..

what u "just" said..

it is "already"..

too late..

to take it back..

most of the time..

it so happens..

that..

by the time u realise..

it "just" rained..

it is "already"..

too late..

to go out and dance..

most of the time..

it so happens..

that..

by the time u realise..

what u "just" dreamt..

it is "already"..

too late..

to make it come true...

most of the time..

it so happens..

image : weheartit.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

P.S. Song for the post... I want to break free... by Queen

You..

2011-03-08T14:56:00.001+01:00

more u push it away..
more it drags u with itself..
u close ur eyes..
and there it is.. again.
grrr.. what r u doing?
c'mon stop cribbing...
stop talking abt it..
it doesnt help!
best is to let go..
take a deep breath..
no no.. do not think..
just be what u are..
just be what u were..
do what u always wanted to..
eat that u always cherished..
dream what u always did..
listen to songs u never tried..
and.. be with people..
who make u happy..
who make u feel special..
who make u feel.. You!

image : weheartit.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

P.S. I decided to henceforth share a song with my posts.. so here goes the first one...."Dumb" by Nirvana. Hope you enjoy listening to it.

walking another mile..

2011-03-02T16:09:00.003+01:00

here i am..
walking another mile.
the last one..
had experiences..
both..good and bad.
good gave me..
memories to cherish..
and bad.. lessons to learn.
so had each one given me..
i mean..
all the miles i ever walked.
some success..
to be the momentous king,
and some failures..
to be slave of my own thoughts.
so had i been lucky?
to see them all through..
thick or thin.
or is it my own will..
that helped me cross?
well... i dont know...
but i prefer not to stop..
so.. here i am...
walking another mile..

image : weheartit.com

Coffee?

2011-02-27T19:57:00.001+01:00

Its said....

"a lot can happen over coffee"

I say....

"a lot more happens over Tequila"

;)

image : weheartit.com

Kuch Karke Jana Hai..

2011-02-15T17:42:00.000+01:00

mann maajhi jo ho..

to kya jarurat fir naao ki..

mazaa jo lena ho lahron ka..

taair ke jana hai..

parr sapno ke jo hon..

to kya jarurat fir raat ki..

chhoona ho gar aasman ko..

udd ke jana hai..

dariya apna jeevan jo ho..

to kya jarurat fir boondon ki..

pyaas bujhani ho jo ghat ki..

doob ke jana hai..

aag humari soch jo ho..

to kya jarurat fir badal ki..

paar jo karna ho suraj ko..

jalaake jana hai..

rang humare saathi jo hon..

to kya jarurat fir barsaat ki..

panaa ho jo indradhanush ko..

aasman rang ke jana hai..

image: weheartit.com

MANN HAI...

2011-02-11T20:07:00.000+01:00

us parchai se pare,

aaj jeene ka bada mann hai.

kaale thande aasman ke tale,

aaj kho jaane ka bada mann hai.

aasha aur nirasha se pare,

aaj jeene ka bada mann hai.

jugnuon ko fir se dekh chamakte,

aaj hasne ka bada mann hai.

khwabon ko rakh pare,

aaj jeene ka bada mann hai.

gunguna kar un yaadon ko,

aaj rone ka bada mann hai.

rakh panno aur shyahi ko pare,

aaj jeene ka bada mann hai.

do labz us ghazal ke,

aaj dohrane ka bada mann hai.

us parchai se pare,

aaj jeene ka bada mann hai.

kaale thande aasman ke tale,

aaj peene ka bada mann hai.

image: weheartit.com

BECAUSE OF YOU

2011-02-05T21:20:00.000+01:00

I had a colorful life. With colors around. All around. My frends were happy and so was I. All we did all day was to lay lazy where we were... do nothing... just chit chatting.. joking and having fun....... until one day... when i was sold...

he took me with him.. he looked happy... and the evil grin on his face really scared me... i dont know what he was upto... i hoped i would be safe.. but u know how it is.... he held me.. and made me sit in the front.. he held me with one hand and balanced with the other.. he knew... if i get a chance.. i would run away... so he kept holding me all the way... and held me so tight that it started to hurt... but.. i cant complain... its against the protocol...

he slows down... i guess this is where he lives... holding me he gets off his bi-cycle.. leaves it to the support of the courtyard walls and moves inside... he took me to a room.. it had nothing but a wooden bed with a home made mattress on it... by the side there is a wooden cupboard.. pretty old... a table fan at a corner.. and by the shabby looking window is kept an oil lamp... he makes me sit on the bed and closes the window.. he then leaves me there closing the door behind....

so.. i lay here in the dark.. thinking of what all is about to come... it looks like he knows what he is doing... so i am not that scared.. but yes... i am scared a little.. after all its gonna be my first time... so, untill this moment.. i didnt imagine anything too bad.... but.. worse strikes only when u cdnt imagine it would be coming... i could hear some voices coming from the courtyard.... the door opened.. and there he was... back.. with a couple of his friends...... and now i am scared...

They got closer... staring at me with an awe of happiness and i dont know what... I went blank.. nothing could go on my mind.. i stopped thinking... Just lowered my eyes... and left everything to my fate... he held me by the side and took me outside... his friends followed... i did not have any guts to look around me.. or look at the back... or even raise my eyes... i just did what i was asked to.. with my eyes lowered I could just see the wheels of the bicycle laying against the wall... the well and kept by it was the bucket which had lost its shape and colour... I sat down on the floor... they surrounded me.. and i could barely see any light.... then something happened...

something pinched around my neck and my waist... the acute pain made me faint.. and the blur faces was the last thing i remember.. i dont know what happened to me.. i dont know how long i had been in that state... when i opened my eyes... i could see the sky.... i turned.. i was in an open field... well atleast it seemed like one... i heard some water flowing.. i got up and sat... yeah there was a river....

and then... i felt the pain again... and i realised i was tied around my neck and waist... before I could figure out what was happening to me... i experience a sudden pull and there i was..... taking my first flight... within a few minutes.. i was almost touching the sky... reaching out to the rainbow... feeling the colours... feeling the happiness of being what i am meant to be... to fly... and when i looked down... i could see the excitement in their eyes...

had it not been him.. i would have never known..... what i could do.. what i am capable of.. had he not held the string right... i would never had the safe flight... had he not been there... i would have never known... how high could i fly.... because of him... i am living my dream... :) :)

weheartit.com

IF LIFE IS A BITCH.. WE ARE THE DOGS!

2011-01-24T13:41:00.000+01:00

long have we all been cribbing about life being a bitch..
quite often it happens that when u are all set on the pitch of life..
just ahead of the half century...
life throws its “googly”..
and there u are.. stumped..
and u are dismayed... displeased with the luck.. displeased to think..
u could have had a century..
but the questions arises..
what if u were out after the century?
will u feel good and be proud of ur performance?
probably not.. then u will think... and i am pretty sure one does..
“god dammit i could have had a double century”
hmmm.. so.. if it is life which is a bitch..then we are all a dog..
we are never ever satisfied...
with whatever and no matter how much we get and we keep screwing our life...
and it is not life which screws us..
isnt it?

a summer when..

2010-09-17T18:46:00.000+02:00

It was too hot one summer..

and i wanted to dive and float,

in water blue and cold.

then i saw a freshly dug well,

with water shining and deep.

had no patience to wait,

went ahead and jumped.

initially..

it felt nice and soothing,

and then things turned.

I looked up to find...

I have jumped into

the darkness unmatched..

I wanted to get out of it,

to the light.

had no option but,

to crawl up the muddy walls.

i did.. tried.. took time..

and i reached nearly the top..

and then... it rained.

the muddy walls slipped,

and i was back in the well again.

trapped here now.. i wish..

there hadn’t been that summer,

when....

English bolni nahi aati?? Ch Ch Ch.....

2010-09-11T00:26:00.000+02:00

The blog is the result of a video making rounds of FB walls these days. "Ye haal hai humare MPAs ka. Kya ye mulk chala sakte hain??" says the title of the video. A young 20 something chap is trying to ask a simple question to the politicians, "what is prosperity?". But, he has one constraint. They have to answer in English. I dont think the replies are important because the title of the video says it all. "Laughs".. That's our leaders.. "Our leaders".

It reminded me of another instance which was a very regular affair in the 90's. It was when Sachin Tendulkar was still a rising star and had to speak on receiving the MOM award, he was proudly making us indians ashamed by his lame english. Thats exactly what my Gen X/Y felt atleast. And same we said about Bhajji or any one who was actually making us more ashamed on the world podium by their stupid english than making us proud by their star acts.

"S&%le to English bhi bolni nahi aati", was a common expression we all used. I have a question. Were we justified in doing so? Were they really making us ashamed by their paralysed english or making us proud by making it to the national team and then playing like a star at the age of "just" 16?

If we talk about our very own Politicians, well I don't generally support them but talking about Lalu I can definitely say one thing, what he did to the Indian railways, an English speaking Nitish Kumar or Mamta Banerjee cannot ever do that. He reformed the IR from a loss making organization, intimidated to be landed into the private hands to the most profitable Indian organization during his reign. And our English speaking lady from Bengal hasn't paid Taxes to the government saying IR doesn't have enough funds and the profit ain't much. Lalu even though not knowing English has been one of the few politicians to make to the IIMs which even our oxford educated PM haven't had the privilege of.

We are ashamed if we don't know English while we are proud of not knowing our own Hindi, the national language. If I ask all those literate people of my country or better said my "Gen" who were ashamed because Sachin didn't knew English, I can bet, not even 10% would know how to write their own name in hindi let alone the numbers or kaa, khaa, gaa, ghaa. I wonder who should be ashamed. Sachin or Us?

We want to make the firangs know that we know their language and we are equal to them. And the fact stands that they have just been successful enough to make us feel that learning their language is a necessity for us. I wonder how wonderful it would have been if they would have found it more important to know our language. Isn't it? But why would someone find it important when we ourselves are ashamed of our own language.

Its high time that we feel proud of ourselves.. Of what we are.. Of what we have.. Of what is ours.. and of what we do... We may be driving a Ferrari, but still we are no one if we loose our own identity. Language is one of our such identities which makes us, Us. It took 5000 years for Hindi to evolve, and its not worth giving up something for 200 years of slavery. The sooner we understand, the better it is for us.

P.S. Well, actually the blog is a result of no work in office. :P :P

..AND I PULLED THE TRIGGER.

2010-08-28T01:38:00.000+02:00

Standing at the balcony of my apartment, alongside the busiest street of the city, I can see a myriad of lights of those distant cars but I can’t hear anything. I am holding a gun to my chin. I can’t feel anything except the chilling metallic ring against. Indifferent; I am not pressing it hard, I am just holding it casually. I don’t know why my hands aren’t shaking at this moment. “So, this is it”, I say and pull the trigger.

..................................................................................

I leave the office. A little before time today. Infact, all I am doing in office is keep thinking and no work. There is no point. Atleast, I wont get that stare from people in my office. I pick up my phone, hang my bag and just leave. I stop by my favorite spot; pick up my Malboro and a bottle of Smirnoff. With the kind of mood I am in, Nirvana smells just right with its “come as you are”. Stopping at every possible street light, with a snails pace I move towards my apartment. Though there are honking cars supposedly beleaguering me, but I hear nothing. Nothing at all. Its as if my ears have been tuned to just one voice. Her voice.

I have made up my mind already. To do this. This is the only escape I can have. But, before i do this, I have some things to finish. And, I have some voices that I want to carry with me. Long lost friends and family. I call up everyone. One by one. Cherishing and reliving every moment that we had lived, shared and added together in our story. I ask them what would it be like if I was gone. They laugh. And, I laugh too. Not as if it was a joke. But, to the fact that they didn't understand.

And, I change my mind. I change my mind of going to the apartment. I take a look on the rear view mirror, and take a sharp U-Turn without taking off my feet from the gas. I head towards my favourite spot alongside the river. I pull up. Sit on the bonnet. Loosen the tie knot. Make my peg. Light myself a cigarette and stare at the flowing river. I want to make one last attempt. I take out my cell-phone. Slide it up. Check the last dialed contact. Stare at the number for long and then finally press the green. As usual, a ring but no answer. I smile. Slide it back in my pocket and finish my drink in one.

I get down. Uselessly I kick a stone to make it land more into the mud than water. Look at “my” river for one last time and get into the car. Turning on the ignition I swirl the un-finished cigarette out of the window and I drive on; back to the apartment. I drive slow. I wanna take a chance. May be she would call. I wanted to buy myself as much time as I can. Living with a hope. That’s all I have done my entire life. I reach my apartment. I park and move towards the elevator. I enter and press 17.

I open up the door, switch on the light and casually flip my cellphone on the couch. Sitting on the couch, with my arms resting on my knees and my hands clasping each other loosely, I am staring at the gun kept on the table in the front. It’s been for the past few days that I am thinking of giving up; everything. With that, I just have this life to give up. Even that wasn’t mine anyways. I raise my eyes to the cell phone that I casually threw on the couch in the front as I entered the place. “I should call her up before I do this”, I tell myself. I swing between Yes and No for couple of minutes. I rise, reach out to my phone, walking a few steps I call her.

She did not pick up.

I smile and casually flip the phone back to where it was. I pick up the gun and walk out of the hallway to the balcony.

Standing at the balcony of my apartment, alongside the busiest street of the city, I can see a myriad of lights of those distant cars but I can’t hear anything. I am holding a gun to my temple. I can’t feel anything except the chilling metallic ring against my head. Indifferent; I am not pressing it hard, I am just holding it casually. I don’t know why my hands aren’t shaking at this moment. "So, this is it", I say and I pull the trigger.

And here I am, motionless; lying in a pool of blood. I don’t have a nose, my jaw is not in its place, I cannot say where one of my eyeballs is, but the other one is stuck loose in its pocket.

And my cell phone rings. Yes, she called. And then......

(((( (( CUT )) )))), echoes the voice of the director. "Perfect Shot", he shouts again. I rise. Take a towel. And clean my face up.

kyun.

2010-08-21T23:49:00.000+02:00

khafa khafa si palkon mein,

tere pyaar ki nami kyun hai.

tu paas hai fir bhi,

teri kami kyun hai.

sulajh si gayi thi jo ab tak,

sansen meri tujhme fir uljhi kyun hain.

hai neend ghaneri aankhon me,

raaten meri fir jaagi si kyun hain.

seedhe chalte sapne apne,

rahen humari fir ulti kyun hain.

ek toota taara dekha jab dono ne,

umeed fir mujhe hi kyun hai.

hai doobta suraj fir bhi,

us shaam ki kami kyun hai.

hai kami jab ek shabd ki bas,

fir kami ye itni bojhal kyun hai.

------------------------------------------------------------

1st Para : Courtesy Bhavna :)

------------------------------------------------------------

The Oasis..

2010-07-27T23:19:00.000+02:00

barefoot he walks,

across the desert sand.
looking for an oasis,
he wanders along.
looks at the sun,
and then at
the mighty sand below.
pants and sweats,
but looses no hope.
illuded by a mirage,
again and again.
he finally decides,
its the wind,

that he shall follow.
but, not to where it goes,
where it's
intimidated to flow.
taking a deep breath,
he takes his steps.
and, a little further did he go,
there it was, he found

his oasis.

the changes.. the answer...

2010-07-06T00:16:00.001+02:00

One morning you wake up and find everything has changed…. The colours around have become pale… the view outside your window is not that green anymore… The walk around the woods is not that lovely… neither is the fragrance of the air so alive… and the sleep ain’t that peaceful any longer……

You walk out looking for an answer to the maze… as a very normal human being, you try to ask the question to the familiar faces you had known…. To the faces that had been your strength and your weakness at the same time… But you don’t find them… you find yourself among faces unknown and strange….

Suddenly you find yourself as a loner among a myriad of people… with smiling yet un-friendly faces… You muster the courage to talk to one such faces… But they don’t speak the same language….. You want to talk heart but they are talking minds… they don’t understand you and neither do you understand them…

You think hard to figure out some faces which might be the same… You ride on to them…. Phew!! As you thot they didn’t change… You take a step ahead and looked for solace in them…. U did get a warm welcome but you realized that there is something that's missing… U shove the thot away.. and u ask them to play… but “sorry, we don’t have time”, they say… disappointed you leave the place…

You walk on, staring at the grey concrete… You put your hands in pocket and take out your loving music player… and finally you smile.. You plug in and play… but even the music didn’t sound the same… in a jiffy you pull out the earplugs… smash it on the concrete… and you stop and stare at the dead…

Confused you start to run… u donno where to go… you take this way.. and then that.. and then the other…. U donno if you took the right way… but you know that you need answers…. And you reach the sea… you take a deep breath and sit on the beach… and you see another change…. the is Sun setting in the East…

And now you give up on others…. You decide to ask the answers to yourself… You go home… You stand in front of the mirror…. And You get your answer.. They grew up.. but You remained the same!!!

what matters?

2010-05-22T18:49:00.000+02:00

As everyone, you must have also read and been told…. right from the time when you were a mere toddler to the time when u started wooing gals.. that life is all about how big you become…

BIG… that’s a big word… but no one .. ever cared to make u realise that in the end.. its only the small things, that can make u happy… that can keep u happy…

And in your blind belief.. u start chasing ur Big dream.. not realising that you lost a mirade of small moments.. which would have actually mattered and shall always will….

Talking to Myself...

2010-01-26T19:08:00.000+01:00

World doesn’t stop.. for you.. or for anyone else… so its better to keep moving slowly rather than making a stop… so at times, grab any opportunity that lies ahead instead of waiting for a better one… note – “at times”.

Time is the best healer… no matter how deeply hurt you are or were.. in months if not days.. in years if not months.. you will come out of it.. So chillax.. why worry?? ;)

Music is the best medicine….. Try it… when a little tensed, say before going to the stage for something… keep humming ur favourite tune and see the Magik :)

A light drizzle and a little wind.. esp along the beach is the most romantic thing out there… don’t u think so??? Try writing something… the words will be poetry.. trust me on that!!!

The most dangerous disease that I see as of today is the phone ring sickness.. When walking in the market or driving.. Invariably u will feel that ur phone is ringing and then not to much surprise it wouldn’t. : Advise – Its time to change ur ring tone!!!

Planning to go on a holiday?? C’mon dude… don’t plan… just pack ur bag and leave..

In ur bathroom, make sure u don’t, in any damn situation are either standing or sitting right below the geyser… U might not have Hitler’s luck as I had… :D

Find ur best friend in ur parents.. no matter how high u fly… and no matter how good a friend u have… ur parents are the only one who wouldn’t be jealous of you.

Thinking about oneself is not being selfish.. thinking ONLY about oneself is what is being selfish.. so, go ahead and think about urself, but not at the cost of the happiness of ur near and dear ones.

When in bad mood, switch off ur phone.. its better to introspect than to loose respect.. understand what I mean?? :P

Never take out ur rant on ur food.. it has got nothing to loose.. sole looser?? you!!

When something is really worrying you… and u really really don’t wanna think about it… watch a nice gripping movie… atleast it can help u in doing that for the next couple of hours. And “what after that?” Pal, start with another movie!!! ;)

There is nothing wrong in praying at times… believe it or not.. it does give u some peace and a little confidence.

U really want something? badly? how badly? Well, Dont say... show how much u really want that.. and u will have it. Provided other's dont show that they want it more than you do ;)

Nothing is impossible... Neither is anything difficult.. not even digging ur own grave!! Well, arent u digging ur own grave by smoking 10 each day. Think abt it. (P.S. I dont smoke. Its just a thought :P)

Feeling Lucky?

2009-09-01T06:17:00.001+02:00

..no one knows it.. no one can see it.. no one ever plans it... it just happens... sending u in an unparallel shock.. too hard to get over it.. u sit.. ponder looking for words.. that would now define your life... or may be other's.......

a day sometimes begins with such unwelcome instances.. and you make up your mind... "look.. there may be some more to come... the day has just begun".. and you start for the day... expecting just anything !!!

An Un-Wanted Want...

2009-07-04T06:42:00.003+02:00

"hum apni manzil ko paane ke liye kya kuch nahi karte... aur sab paane ke bad humen aisa kyun lagta hai ki humne zindagi se ye to nahi manga tha......"

..a line from a movie that hit me hard... real hard...

ek chala main raahi..

2009-06-09T04:38:00.000+02:00

ek chala main raahi..
us raah me..
jo meri thi hi naa kabhi..

bas dhoop hi dhoop..
na chaaon..
na paani tha kahin..

chalta gaya main ye soch..
bandhu rasta hai kathin..
to manzil hogi yahin..

nikal gaya itni door..
ki fir naa dikhe koi manzil..
na rasta aur koi..

juta himmat..
ulte kadam..
chal to chuka hun main abhi..

par wo mode..
jahan hui thi galti..
jane ab milega ya nahi..

waqt na thehra tha mere liye..

2009-05-01T01:11:00.001+02:00

waqt na thehra tha mere liye....
kaha usne jee le jitna jina ho abhi...
ek baar main chala gaya..
to fir laut ke na aaunga kabhi...
nasamajh main..
samjh na paya uski baat ko..
kho diya us pyaare lamhaat ko..
fir aaj baitha hun..
un lamho ko dobara jine ke liye..
maine manga usse.. dede yaar ek aur mauka mujhe..
mauka diya to hai usne mujhe..
par sirf..
uski yaadon ko shabdon me pirone ke liye...

IT'S A BOY GAL THING - II

2009-04-13T05:05:00.000+02:00

Hero : “Where is the train halting now?”
The Man : “Its in the yard.. New Delhi Rly Station…”

Hero gets down from his upper birth… Not much surprised but a lil pist off to not find his shoes…

Hero : “Shoes??.. Where are my shoes?”
The Man (Laughs) : “kids who come to the yard to take away the left overs… must have taken your shoes.. by the way.. your luggage is at the security.. show ur ticket and collect it from there..”

Hero moves out… collects his bag from security.. Barefoot he walks out of New-Delhi station towards the Taxi Stand……

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Heroine : Hey, I gotta talk to you regarding something. Bolun…
Hero : Permission granted.. shoot.
Heroine : Wo… Can we go somewhere else?
Hero : You can speak up here.. not a problem maam.
Heroine : Yaar, wo kya hai na ki… I really like you! And…..

Hero kinda got the clue of whats gonna come. He was looking in her eye and could sense the amount of nervousness she was going thru.. but still he waited…. Looking straight at her…

Heroine got a little more nervous and she just lowered her eyes as she could not muster the courage to look into the eyes of a very good friend and see that her words to follow might end up her loosing him forever.. confused.. and still eyes lowered.. she continued………

Heroine : I know its kinda weird and.. and.. I may not be that lucky.. But.. but.. I couldn’t keep it within myself any more… for past few days or.. or… may be weeks I kinda.. kinda.. have fallen for you…

Hero still looking at her.. amazed and confused himself… he doesn’t know what to say so he just kept hmmming all the while she spoke.. at the back of his head what was going on were several emotions… “wow.. I couldn’t believe it”.. “oh shit.. what am I supposed to say.. yes.. no..”.. “yeppe”… “yaar should I better ask for some time?”.. phew…….

She looked at him… saw the expression on his face… a little pessimism surrounded her and the immediate thought was “I shouldn’t have done it.. shit”.. gathering some courage and noticing that the hero is avoiding to look at her….. she continued….

Heroine : I know I shouldn’t have said it.. but.. but.. hmmm.. nothing.

No one spoke for quite some time… Hero continued to look away from her… deep in thought.. thinking what to say… Heroine continued to stare at her tea… waiting for the hero to speak.. thinking… “gotdamit say something stupid”..

Hero : Coffee? I mean…. Not here… may be somewhere else?
Heroine (nervous and confused.. doesn’t have any clue what the hero gotta say) : Hmmm. Ok.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

They have their coffee waiting at their place.. Hero sipping the coffee.. and heroine staring and stirring her coffee continuously… she is more confused than ever.. no one spoke.. Hero had no idea of how to begin and what to say… Heroine had already done her part.. she cannot do anything but wait……

Hero passes a piece of paper to her.. it read….

“Hey, the coffee is pleading… please drink me maam. :)”

Heroine smiles… Puts down the spoon and takes a sip… and wrote back…

“So what does the coffee say now.”

“Thanks..” Wrote Hero.

She smiles.. musters the courage and writes….. “So…….”

“Yaar”.. Hero begins to write… Heroine sips her coffee in the meanwhile… tensed from within of wats going to come….. Hero continues….

“Yaar.. you know how it is… I have just been thru a rough patch and trust me I do not wanna commit the same mistakes again. I know you mut have given it a 100 thoughts before coming over… but… I lost a friend earlier, I don’t wanna loose you….. I mean.. I just donno wat to say….”

“Carry on”… She wrote.

“Yaar, dekh… its like….. I donno how u gonna take this… but.. neways…. You know what.. I had a huge crush on you sometime back… but I thot u try to keep a hand distance from people… I mean the way you are… Taking it as stupid infatuation.. and to top it.. never getting any chance to talk to u that time… I moved ahead….. I seriously liked you a lot.. and I like you even this day…. But… you know how it is…..”

“Confused… you are confused.. and making me a lot more”..

“Well…” Pauses for sometime before penning down his final words… Finally he wrote…

“Well…I need some time.”

She did not write any reply to this and returned the paper…… Hero reacts… expressions literally asking her “What? What does that mean?” and gave back the paper to her…. She wrote….

“:)”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A well decorated bedroom…. And a nice looking cosy bed… The paper conversation at coffee well framed and kept on one side of the bed… and a closeup of the Hero and Heroine on the other side…… Hero sleeping.. and Heroine enters the room.. a lil in a hurry… She calls out….

“Get up…. You will be late for office…”

No reaction from the hero.. He doesn’t move at all… She moves towards him.. takes his arm.. and tries to pull him off the bed……

“Get up.. get up…. You cant sleep all day like this… get up..!!!”

Hero opens his eyes…. Smiles.. looks around… It took him a couple of seconds to realise… that he was sleeping in a railway compartment.. and another couple of seconds to recollect why he was here… After coming to his senses he asked the person who was trying all the while to wake him up…

Hero : “Where is the train halting now?”
The Man : “Its in the yard.. New Delhi Rly Station”

Hero gets down from his upper birth… Not much surprised but a lil pist off to not find his shoes…

Hero : “Shoes??.. Where are my shoes?”
The Man (Laughs) : “kids who come to the yard to take away the left overs… must have taken your shoes.. by the way.. your luggage is at the security.. show ur ticket and collect it from there..”

Hero moves out… collects his bag from security.. Barefoot he walks out of New-Delhi station towards the Taxi Stand……………

NOSTALGIA

2009-02-21T19:11:00.000+01:00

When you look back upon ur life....
what would u remember?

would you remember you first day at school?
or, all those excuses that you made for not doing ur homework..
stupid enough to now make u smile on urself.. right?

would you remember ur games and free classes?
or, the drawing classes where invariably everyone was rising THE Sun behind THE two triangular mountains....
stupid enuf to think urs is better than his/hers.. :

would u remember playing cricket after exams with exam boards?
or, reaching school learning science when it was actually English paper..
stupid enough to make you now think how stupid you were..

would you remember that every story started as "Once upon a time.."?
or, that every story ended as "..and they lived happily ever after."
Fairy Tale.. thats what life used to be then....

would you remember those incoherent thoughts of dreaming BIG.
or, dreaming about what you want to be when u turn into a man.
stupid enough to make u now realize how impragmatic u were...

would u remember fighting over who ur best frend is?
or, those wonderful handwritten new year cards flaunting the words.. "to my best friend...."
stupid? not at all.. right? :)

would you remember how frequently you were punished in class?
or, those wonderful punishments that made you sit between the gals..
why aren’t we so wonderfully punished anymore? ;)

would you remember ur first crush on one of ur schoolmate?
or, the one you had on ur BIO teacher when you were in 7th grade..
ohh... she was certainly PREETIer than the gals!!!

would you remember how bad you felt leaving one school to join another?
or, how ecstatic u were to find new friends and start a new life..
Some of them.. who still are with you today!

would you remember, how every morning ur journey started on ur scooter..
or, how pantheistically u prayed for a gal to ask for a lift. :P
Certainly not anyone from ur school. :P

would you remember how suddenly studies became a serious matter?
or, the bunking classes and the movie shows..
and those game of cricket that went on and on and on.....

would you remember how tough getting into college was?
or, how easy was it to get a family far from home...
a family of friends.. :)

would you remember, your first nightout of life, spent studying?
or, the first day dreaming of the first serious crush u have just had....
wondering now, why u didnt ever tell her??

would you remember, the 760 acres of land you had under ur feet?
or, the 8x8 room shared by two most dissimilar characters in the college...
how brilliant u were to manage in such a small box for 4 years.. aint it?

would you remember, being out with frens enjoying ur heart out?
or, the silent candle light vodka/sutta night with Pink Floyd singing especially for u...
how lovely the next day turned out to be, being spent on bed! :P

would you remember, what all things the alma mater gave you??
or, what all things it heartlessly took away from you.. forever...
certainly, teaching u a lesson.. and thus giving u something in other words. :)

would you remember, how pathetically u were sweating inside during the job interview?
or, how exhilarated you were with ur first job, then second.. then third....
realising late, what it meant was THE END to a wonderful college life! :(

would you remember, yourself leaving the alma mater just before u started a new life?
or, the one that u are right now, completely different from ur own self..
ever realised, how urself and ur beliefs have transformed over the years..

So... what would u remember?
When you look back upon ur life….

RANDOM THOUGHTS I

2009-02-07T19:13:00.000+01:00

“Yara yahi dosti hai…. Kismat se jo mili hai….. sab sang chalen.. sab rang chalen.. chalte rahe hum sada……..”

Listening to junoon… with the remix sound of the tic tac from my lappy keyboard making the song a little more interesting……. My head is whirling these days… sometimes m all smiling and laughing my heart out with my frends for whom life is like a bed of roses curently… and the very next moment.. Somewhere inside me as well…. I got to be there for people for whom.. life is certainly not a bed of roses.. not at all……..

There are my frens who have found the love of their life…. Feeling ecstatic.. a little crazy….. yet always smiling.. and making future plans… thodi unki khinchai.. may be they say.. “sale chup karega”.. but deep down inside their hearts…. I know.. they have always longed to feel this.. and it makes them more happy than ever……..getting calls from their dream universities.. god.. life cannot be better than this.. and as al human beings… and the greedy nature.. praying the other one gets into the same universities.. and life turns from bed of roses.. to bed of lilies.. and then to bed of carnations… red ones… Midas.. as we all are… :)

Then there are my friends.. who have lost their jobs…. Some on the verge of loosing it.. some are just scared of loosing it….. some have been dumped by the ones they loved the most in their life.. while some others….. just trying to sketch their life in a better way……. And it feels helpless.. to be not able to do anything for them… and sometimes.. it hurts to give them consolation.. and show them the bright picture of life… when I myself know.. life aint gonna be easy for them in the near future as well… feels like m cheating on them by creating hopes in their minds.. cos when the hope will crumble down in a day or two.. they will stand lost again.. lost in their own eyes…. Or may be these hopes turn out to be true.. after all they are not bad.. its just that the situations aint right… and when the tide takes a U turn… life will be a bed of roses for them as well.. :)

“Tute na kabhi sath ye.. chute na kabhi sath ye… apni to hai yahi dua..
Chalte rahe hum tum.. yun hi badhte rahe hum tum.. khusiyon ke sang hum tum sada……..”

Praying and wishing a life… like bed of roses for all my frends…… cheers!!!!

S C i N T i L L A

2009-01-15T18:32:00.000+01:00

A day begins with writing….

“Shadows or shapes.. Darkness eats all……………………..”.

Sometimes when you just donno why everything around you is going wrong.. and then suddenly one thing is so right that you do it again and again. This right thing can make you going.. when the tide wants you to head backwards.

Well.. if you look closely and look for what you want….. you can find that ‘right’ thing in just anything that you can see; a slight strum on the guitar can make you sing…… a simple tune can make you flow… a fragrant breeze can make you fly.. a few speaking rain drops can make you smile…. the marble moon can make you dream... and a dream can make you fall in love !!

‘Life’ sometimes requires to be redefined… ‘needs’ to be judged…. ‘desires’ to be calculated….. ‘wants’ to be weighed…. to make them look ‘bigger’… to make them look ‘easier’… to make them look ‘happier’…….

Nothing in the world is worth the price of ur happiness… get up.. start looking for the right thing…… trust me…. NOTHING 'can' be wrong… and even NOTHING 'can' as well be that very right thing…..

“Shadows or shapes.. Darkness eats all. What about a 'Scintilla'??”

A BEGINNING OR JUST ANOTHER END??

2008-12-13T22:06:00.000+01:00

“oberoi trident+staff+mumbai terror attack”-> google search

I don’t know how many of you have done this.. I don’t know how many of you have looked for your loved ones, frends or family members on the net…to know about their well being.. I don’t know how many of you felt relaxed after knowing they are healthy and sound.. and I don’t know how many of you cried upon knowing that they perished at the hands of terror……

But I know that I am the one.. who typed these words the first thing on the internet every morning… I am the one who switched channels on the remote of his TV with sweating face… I am the one who was scared of seeing one known face among the victims…. I am the one who prayed every morning to not make me hear that familiar name on TV or net…. I am the one who believed that of all the people.. his frend would be healthy and happy……. I am the one… who felt the fear and not just anger like every Indian did……… I had my frend in Trident Oberoi…

I never had guts to call a number on my mobile…. My hands were shaking every time i tried that... I never had any idea of how to dial and say “abe kaisa hai??”.. I never had any idea of how to deal with the feelings that I was going thru at the moment… after all this is the first time.. I found that.. what losing someone could be like….

Those who died in mumbai?? Those ‘stupid common men’… Are they just tiny little rats?? Is life so cheap that it can be measured in terms of green paper that our b@$#@%d politicians offer to those who lost everything…… just everythin!!! nothing will happen this time yet… time will heal everything… time will erase every bit of it………. Some game of politics and for the ‘stupid common man’ these loses will be oblivion in making his ends meet… yet again…… is it just another end??

For the bloody terrorists…. They won on some fronts……… Yes... They were to kill people… they did it… they wanted to disrupt peace… they did it……. They wished to grind life in bits and pieces.. they did it... They wanted India to bleed… they made it bleed…… but for the first time they lost the battle at the end….. they failed to divide India in the name of religion..... Is it really a beginning??

‘Hey how is he? He worked in trident right??’.. that’s me… ‘he is at home. Fortunately his duty was off at 6pm and he left for home that day’…… a common frend… Well my frend at Trident is just fine….. The pain may be is over for me…..but the anger isn’t…………………………….

2008-12-03T19:55:00.000+01:00

Jharne se girte boondon ki tarah,

Kya Sapnon ko bikharte dekha hai?

Kya Un sapnon me piroye dhage ko,

mitti sa tootte dekha kya?

Kya itr ki khusboo ki tarah,

Jivan se khusiyon ko udte dekha hai?

Un jaati hui khusiyon ko,

Hawa sa laut ke aate dekha hai?

Kya apni parchaiyee ko kabhi,

Ek ajnabi ke sath chalte dekha hai?

Us bhuli parchaiyee me,

Kya apne aap ko khote dekha hai?

Kya mutthi se ret ki tarah,

Kabhi armanon ko fisalte dekha hai?

Un armanon pe khade manzil ko,

Patton sa girte dekha hai?

IT'S A BOY GAL THING..

2008-11-02T00:12:00.000+01:00

The sweet silent early morning… golden rays… cool breeze.. melodious chirping of birds……the silent streets getting ready for another lovely day ahead……

“Pehla Nasha… Pehla Khumar….” The background score…

A boy next door.. A casual wrangler denim.. a simple yellow teee… bag hanging on one shoulder.. Hands in the pockets… ear phones playing some music.. and his legs taking each step ahead in rhythm…

An simple gal… red salwaar suit… long hair kissing her cheeks… a pair of maroon bangles in each arm.. long and heavy metal earrings.. compelling you to look at her beautiful face… kajal to immure you in her eyes… just a simple lip glosss.. looking down.. and moving ahead… on the same footpath.. towards the boy… still not in sight……

“Naya Pyar hai naya Intezaaar…. Kar lun main kya apna haal..”

She catches a sight of the guy… “Looks good”.. she thinks… “Is he actually good? Will he look at me?? What should I do? Should I look at him.. or should I keep staring at the concrete?”

“Wow.. what a morning!!”.. thinks he. “And a gal in red… nothing can be better than this… her walk reveals that she is good.. oh god.. is she beautiful?? Should I look at her? NO… she would take me as another jerk.. Guess I should not look at her…..”

“Ohh.. he is tall… is he handsome?? He should be!! Should I give him a smile?? He wont take me wrong?? Or will he?? God help me……” Heart beating faster than ever.. getting faster every second… getting faster with every step that brings her closer to him…

Takes his right hand off from him pocket… runs his fingers through his hair..

Puts off some streaks of hair from over her face to tug it back of her ear.. takes the corner of her dupatta.. rolls it on her fingers… smiling at herself…. She keeps moving…….

Pulls off his earphones… couldn’t stop himself from looking at her.. “Oh.. she is sweet.. looks better in red.. Thank god she aint looking at me” Feels she would raise her eyes.. nervously starts looking somewhere else…..

“Is he looking at me?” Pulls down her dupatta a lil… checks her steps.. looks at the guy with her corner eyes.. “Why is he not looking at me?? Idiot”

“Aee dile bekarar… Mere dile bekarar… Tu hi bata…”

About to cross her.. He couldn’t resist anymore… tries to look straight at her… “Ohh she is so so pretty… look at me goddamit…!! What is there on that stupid black concrete…..” tick tick 1.. tick tick 2…..

She turns all of a sudden… could not resist.. their eyes meet… he smiles… she sighs… then smiles looking at the concrete.. raises her head again.. looking at each other.. they cross………… smiling they move ahead……

“Pehla Nasha.. Pehla Khumar… Naya Pyar hai Naya Intezaaar”

DREAM.. BUT DREAM WISE!!

2008-09-26T00:51:00.000+02:00

Your dreams never have an end…. If one fails.. you curse the hap a little.. come over it in a while.. and start perceiving another… another dream. If one gets sated.. in a while it will be oblivion in the plethora of dreams already fulfilled.. then another dream starts taking shape….desires never end.. plans never end... expectations never end.. Its not just you who dreams; its you, me, him, she, anyone, every one!

But, have you ever thought of one such dream that once upon a time might have ruled your life… One that you always longed for.. desperately tried for….. Reached to its proximity one day… but it slipped out of your hands, just before you could embrace it to make it yours? Have your ever traced, what your life would have been now if the dream would have been a reality?? Try it…. You will see how different life has turned out to be…….. do you still think your dream should have come true??

How did you feel when your dreams crumbled down, one after another leaving nothing to cherish.. just longing…… longing for something that you needed desperately. You have thought of so many things.. doing this.. doing that.. when your dream would come true.. all in vain!!! Nothing is left… you find no purpose of living…. You say life is a nemesis.. just when you start thinking it has lost the battle against you.. it strikes back harder.. leaving you stumped. Yet you have nothing to do.. you move on….. move on accepting another defeat…. move on accepting as it comes….

Or, can u give words to what and how you felt when you actually got what you wanted from life.. Success for yourself.. again and again… happiness for parents.. sometimes… a dream coming true… once in a while… or a BIG “expected” Surprise.. which deluged you with smiles… smiles of yourself, friends and family… rare but precious moments… always etched in your memory…. Can you define how you felt then? Can you delineate that you are feeling now, when you are reliving all those vivid moments with me?

Dreams really do have wings.. they can make you touch the sky with hope.. they can throw you down and refuse to fly anymore…. They elate you and sometimes then alleviate that happiness… So what? So what, if a dream didn’t turn into reality… So what, if a name or two didn’t get attached to your life… So what, if you can’t fly… So what, if some dreams brought you tears.. So what? Should you stop dreaming?

Dream Big, but do understand that dreaming big is about putting in much, much and much more effort to make that dream come true. Are you ready to give in so much? Think first.. Also, Dreaming is not about desiring of things which were not yours… dreaming is not longing for things which do not lie in your forte… dreaming is not coveting things which you do not deserve…. Dreaming is understanding yourself… apprehension of your own limits… devising measured plans…. observing every nuance.. And then giving wings to it… Rarely will your dream remain un-fulfilled… rarely will you feel blue….. rarely will you say “ahh!! dreams never come true”.

Remember, may be you do not have wings. May be you cannot fly. But this does not mean you cannot touch the sky.. Dream.. Dream Big.. But Dream Wise!!

Happy Dreaming!!
:)

Zindagi Hua Kya Hai Tujhe...

2008-08-10T20:16:00.000+02:00

zindagi hua kya hai tujhe...

kyun berang hoti jaa rahi hai tu...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi rang dikhta hi nahi...
ek baar ban titli phulon ko to dekh...
kyun tu indradhanush ko pana chahti hi nahi...

kyun dhundhti hai tu aasun...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi khushi dikhti hi nahi...
ek baar zara has ke to dekh...
kyun tu muskura kar gam bhulana chahti hi nahi...

kyun andhere me khona chahti hai tu...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi raah dikhti hi nahi...
ek baar chand se nazren mila ke to dekh...
kyun badlon me rahna tu chahti hi nahi...

kyun manzil dhundh rahi tu parchaiyon me...
kyun tujhe kabhi sitare dikhte hi nahi..
ek baar pankh laga aur udd ke to dekh...
kyun tu aasman ko chuna chahti hi nahi...

kyun sannate ki taraf bhag rahi hai tu...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi sargam chhooti hi nahi..
ek baar baarish me koi geet gunguna ke to dekh..
kyun tu koi dhun chedna chahti hi nahi....

Kyun bhaaag rahi tufaano se tu..
kyun kabhi tujhe koi himmat milti hi nahi...
zara ek baar ziddi lahron se takra ke to dekh...
kyun tu jeetne ki koshish karna chahti hi nahi...

kyun band hai ek pinjre me tu..
kyun tujhe koi asha dikhti hi nahi....
ek baar badha haath un kirno ko choo ke to dekh...
kyun tu is haal se nikalna chahti hi nahi..

zindagi hua kya hai tujhe..
ek baar khulke jeee ke to dekh..

FILL THE CUP..

2008-07-05T16:40:00.000+02:00

Sunday.. One that u desperately awaited for.. Well any working person does.. To chill off a lil with frends.. Some shopping.. Or just a saunter in the park.. Or may be a movie.. May be some chai at the nukkad and some sutta.. Or may be just a glass of mango shake and some chit chat with frens..

You are engaged in some soothing conversation.. Well, you need it the most, since Sunday’s outta be the most lazy day of the week.. And suddenly you hear “Bhaiya.. Chane le lo”.. You turn your head.. You find two small kids.. One say around 10-12 yrs old and the other may be 4-5 yrs old or may be younger.. You give a quick look at the kids though u did not wanted to.. The elder.. Sweet.. In a OK Shirt.. Shorts.. No slippers.. Holding a bucket in the left hand.. And is coddling his younger with his right arm!! You are unable to say NO to his request.. But ur gesture was enough to tell him you said NO.. “Bhaiya.. Le lo.. Acche se banaunga”.. he insists.. You shake your head all over again.. And this time you don’t have guts to look him straight in his eyes and give hima NO.. “Bhaiya, bas aaj bhar le lo.. Kal se nahi bolunga”.. he cries again.. Well you say “Nahi beta.. Nahi chahiye”..He didn’t insist anymore.. He turned away and walked off.. He didn’t request anyone else.. He just kept walking.. Dejected.. Younger, unware of anything…

Suddenly you started feeling low.. Looking down at the hard concrete you donno what is going on in your mind but you are feeling bad of something.. Suddenly images of all those young and abject kids.. Sleeping around open main holes.. Eating up anything lying on the street.. One in the local chai stalls getting castigated for what is not his fault at all.. You see a face crying for food.. Eyes filled with tears.. Some still happy with whatever they have managed for the day.. You feel like crying.. Frens ask you “what happened to you all of a sudden”.. well you say “nothing”..

It just took you two minutes to realize that the kid came to you with a ray of hope in his eyes to feed his younger brother.. May be they have lost their parents or may be they never had one.. Atleast he had the guts not to beg and take the responsibility of the kid on his own shoulders.. You get up.. Turn back in a hurry.. And start looking for the kids.. You donno whats there on ur mind.. But u just want to find the kid and do what he said or may be more……..

You search for the kids.. Everywhere in the market,.. Any place where they could be looking for their prospective sale for the evening.. You looked everywhere but couldn’t find them.. May be the almighty doesn’t want you to help them anymore.. You start feeling low.. This incident is going to haunt to for long now.. You just donno what to do? You feel desperate to help such young orphans who don’t have bread to eat, bed to sleep.. or threads to wear.. You go back to your room.. depressed and sad…

You come back to the new technical almighty “google”.. type in some random words to look for some way in which you can help kids like the one you saw today.. May be the kid was a messenger for all those others like him starving and dying….You come across many www pages.. But you find it arduous to trust any.. You are vacillated.. You are pissed off right now very badly, irritated… you fall in altercations with your near and most dear ones… you just cant do anything… unable to help urself you shut down ur lappy… lie down.. You think.. If everyone like you, makes it a point to fill just one CUP a week.. not a single kid would be starving.. Does a mere 10 bucks matter you so much that you can see those lil ones cry in front of you.. It doesn’t.. right?? Unknowingly, you take a oath.. Unknowingly, u have decided to help atleast one such kid to have the best life he/she can have.. Unknowingly, you take a pledge to fill atleast one cup a week.. Unknowingly.. but atleast you thought........ And you pray.. that everybody does………………………........

“unknowingly” if incase you decide to Fill The Cup : http://www.wfp.org/english

INTROSPECT..

2008-06-03T08:54:00.000+02:00

This day you sit in front of your laptop.. in retrospect.. trying to gather what you expected your life after college to be.. and what it actually is.....

Well.. being a student of one of the finest technical institutions in india.. obviously you think of getting into a dream MNC..earning much more than your dad earned when he was of your age..having your own independent life..happy that you wont bother your indulgent dad anymore for money money and more money..infact you smile when you see yourself helping your dad with his finances..You see yourself in a metro city..where life moves with a pace faster than light..you see yourself..in a luxury flat.. may be rented..but still which is like your own.. beautiful..you have lot of money at hand.. you can do whatever you wish..buying mom a saree or a shawl every now and then.. and your dad an allen solly shirt..seeing which he might say “itna mehanga!!”.. but still you raise your collar.. and fill a sense of pride that you love your dad so much and you can afford it for him..You think may be after a year of work.. you will have your own.. santro.. or maruti..or any other small car for that matter.. (see you are practical and being reasonable in not thinking of a mercedes or bmw or even a honda or ford)..you see happiness beleaguering you..

The day comes.. you have made a lot of sacrifices.. or if you put it better.. you have taken a chance with your future.. you have skipped a lot many mnc’s that could have been a dream corporate of millions..but you just skipped cos it wasnt a dream for you.. your dream is yet to arrive and test you whether you deserve it to make it to reality.. or would it be dream forever..what if you are unable to convert your dream to reality.. oh god.. you are done.. you have already rejected a great offer.. or may be two great offers just to try your luck here.. what would happen.. you are tensed.. yet confident..

Things dont go as you think.. but still you make into it.. you got seleted... your ebullience can be seen clearly..but people are too pejorative at times.. everyone is like.. “why didnt you try for companies which can pay you more??”..”Well I haven’t heard of this one? Where is it?? What does it do?? Why didnt you try your luck in XYZ??” etc etc.. Well how will you explain that you actually turned down XYZ.. How will you explain you have turned down an offer which was already paying you more than your dream job.. arduous.. but then you think money is not everything..after all it cannot buy you happiness and satisfaction which only a good work, a good culture, a good ambience can..Your dream is paying you enough..and what you think matters more is the quality of work..If you are a communication engineering student you will definitely like to work with mobile phones and computers rather than making or managing databases and banking softwares for some patronizing american firm..You feel you will be doing justice to your efforts that you have put in last four years.. And now you began chilling..no studies..nothing..after all you got what you wanted.. you got what you have to do for rest of ur life..

Then one fine day you bid adieu to your loving college.. loving friends..the college life is over.. and the life of responsibilities was incipient..

You join the company..a dream come true..make new friends..some just stay colleague..and life moves on..one fine day you even find your match for life..oh god..nothing can be so perfect..you are completely satisfied..and with work..you are actually more than satisfied..you have got to do quality work..deal in bits and bytes..zeros and ones..god..Mobile Communication is just too complicated..but you are happy that you understand some of the most complicated technologies.. and you actually know how things work on which almost or rather everyone is so so dependent including our very own.. panwalas, rikshaw walas or sabjiwalas..:)....your frends have had so many trips abroad..they are not earning.. they are making money..but still you adhere to the same point..that you are happier..cos you do quality work and at the end you think money cant buy happiness ..

A year of your life is just about to get over..you have seen many things by now..your manager not inviting you (a fresher) to a lavish team dinner just by saying he doesnt have a budget..gosh..you wonder how did he know that you are a voracious?? [:P] You couldnt rent a flat and still live in a hostel.. cos flats are way above being affordable..You couldnt buy a cell phone.. neither a car.. how could you..you arent able to save anything..have you gifted your dad anything in last one year?? Oh yeah.. you did.. one allen solly shirt.. ohh just one?? Well.. that too on a credit card.. anything for mom?? Yes.. a shawl once.. six months back.. did you send any money home?? Well you didnt.. but yeah.. neither did you ask for money from your dad.. but your dad was indulgent enough to help you to buy a new HP Lappy!! After all you are his kid son and why should you not get what you want.. you need not ask for it.. he just knows it some how.. well.. Hmmm.. So what have you got for your prettly girl?? Nothing more than some.. some cards once in a while.. and a few loving smiles and some amorous words!!.. but still you are happy and complacent...

You cheer up.. you give in ur best to be accoladed as the Best Performer in the company..and you feel proud.. And then you desperately start waiting for the appraisal to happen..You think, all that you would do with your extra income of expected 7-8K a month.. You think of shifting to a new and better flat..a gift for dad and mom..a teflon coating for ur laptop..a new cell phone.. some pretty gift for your lovely girl.. wow.. dreams never end you see.!!

One fine day you receive a mail..

”This is your revised pay for the financial year 2008-2009..Congratulations..keep up the good work..”

You follow the mail below..down down down..Keeping fingers crossed yoy keep thinking.. 80k..no should be 1 lakh..or may be more..fingers still crossed..down..down..down...and there you find some numbers..you are dumb struck!! Just a meagre 30K..what the hell is this......your friends in some other firm will now be earning nearly double than you do..after all they got and increment which is nearly four times yours.. what is this??? And then you think.... Flat?? gone.. Cell phone.. may be next year!! what about a car.. well may be you are not made to drive one!! What about your dad and mom.. well they can obviously wait!! and your girl.......... phew.. you cannot do anything but crib.. you crib..crib more.. and more..but you cant do anything...

You come back to your bed (your only piece of home).. take out your laptop..sit down.. open word.. and start typing... You think and try to mark out anything positive that had happenend in the last one year since you have left your alma matter.. your college and have stepped into the real artful corporate world.. U think and realize.. may be you are doing quality work..but your friends who are earning lot more..who have seen half of the world by now.. a lot more prettier girls*.. they must be happier than you are..their parents must be happier than yours..their girl must be happier than your girl..they must be much much and much more satisfied with life than you are... after all.. money can buy happiness.. atleast in todays world, it does.......................................................