I don’t know what I really wanna write.. probably I wanna talk.. talk to the point where I get so exhausted that I crash wherever I stand. Lately there had been so much shit going on in life.. my life.. that I have kinda accepted it as a fact that Life is shit.. nothing else. Somehow.. life is extra shitty when you come from a country like India.
No one cares about you.. not just not as much as you yourself do... but not at all.. probably not even your parents. In a money minded and show-off culture like ours.. nothing is more important than how society looks at us.. how they talk to us.. what they talk about us. If you have money to give away.. lend.. or even to show off.. people would lick your arse every morning.. noon and night.
When u are committed to something.. people start using your commitment against you. Will make you feel as beggar.. and well.. beggars are not choosers. So, you have no right to think about yourself. If you are committed.. you have given all the rights to the people around you to stab u again and again... probably until you bleed out.
Some people say that suicide is an easy thing.. running away is easy and thats what suicide is all about.. and that we shud think about people who we leave behind us.. Enough has already been said about people and dear ones.. But I wonder if its that easy a thing to do.. or may be I have always had half hearted feelings about it. May be I am too spineless to find such an easy task as the most daunting one.
Life had always been partial with me. I wonder why life regards me with such animosity. I always had to go that extra mile to achieve the most trivial thing.. though my siblings will have a different opinion.. but my friends who have known me for past couple of years will vouch for that. Half of my life went down the drain struggling for something or the other. I feel tired now. I feel like giving up.
I wonder how much strength it takes to leave everything behind. Everything and everyone you cared about. Probably, a lot. It amazes me how we hold on to hypothetical things and hypocrite people.. and give so much of our life to them.. that we end being nothing but just some use and throw paper napkins.. not just to be torn and thrown away but to be shredded piece by piece before they are dumped in the bin.
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