It’s hard not to hate..

courtesy# imgfave

It’s hard not to hate.. people, things, institutions. When they break your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed.. hate is the only feeling that makes sense.

But I know what hate does to a man. Tears him apart.. tears him in something he’s not.. something he promised himself he’d never become.

That’s what I need to tell you.. to let you know how hard I’m trying not to cave under the weight of all the awful things I feel in my heart.

Sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act.. what I feel slamming up against what I should do. Impulsive reactions racing to solutions miles ahead of my brain.

When I look at my day.. I realize most of it was spent cleaning up the damage of the day before. In that life I have no future.. all I have is distractions and remorse.

..that's Jax Teller ..speaking my mind!

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♫ ♫ "And at that time I didn't know.. just how hard the wind could blow.. towards disaster and the things that i would see.." ~ the lost boy, greg holden

Yaadein.

courtesy# weheartit.com

kuch kuch beetin yaadein hai..

kuch saath bhi hai kuch tanhaayi bhi.

kuch kuch lambi sadkein hai..

kuch halki barsatein bhi.

kuch kuch tasveeron ki baatein hai...

kuch rangeen hain kuch berangi bhi.

kuch kuch adhure saaz hain..

kuch bhuli si nazmein bhi.

kuch kuch khusiyon ki titliyaan hai..

kuch pyaar bhi hai kuch ruswaai bhi.

kuch kuch jaagi raatein hain..

kuch hain din ke khwaab bhi.

kuch kuch filmon si kahaniyaan hain..

kuch muskaanein hain kuch siskiyaan bhi.

kuch kuch apnon se chehre hain..

kuch gumnaam se rishtey bhi.

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♫ ♫ "Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts.. It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black.." ~ paint it black, the rolling stones

Disconnected

I don’t know what I really wanna write.. probably I wanna talk.. talk to the point where I get so exhausted that I crash wherever I stand. Lately there had been so much shit going on in life.. my life.. that I have kinda accepted it as a fact that Life is shit.. nothing else. Somehow.. life is extra shitty when you come from a country like India.

No one cares about you.. not just not as much as you yourself do... but not at all.. probably not even your parents. In a money minded and show-off culture like ours.. nothing is more important than how society looks at us.. how they talk to us.. what they talk about us. If you have money to give away.. lend.. or even to show off.. people would lick your arse every morning.. noon and night.

When u are committed to something.. people start using your commitment against you. Will make you feel as beggar.. and well.. beggars are not choosers. So, you have no right to think about yourself. If you are committed.. you have given all the rights to the people around you to stab u again and again... probably until you bleed out.

Some people say that suicide is an easy thing.. running away is easy and thats what suicide is all about.. and that we shud think about people who we leave behind us.. Enough has already been said about people and dear ones.. But I wonder if its that easy a thing to do.. or may be I have always had half hearted feelings about it. May be I am too spineless to find such an easy task as the most daunting one.

Life had always been partial with me. I wonder why life regards me with such animosity. I always had to go that extra mile to achieve the most trivial thing.. though my siblings will have a different opinion.. but my friends who have known me for past couple of years will vouch for that. Half of my life went down the drain struggling for something or the other. I feel tired now. I feel like giving up.

I wonder how much strength it takes to leave everything behind. Everything and everyone you cared about. Probably, a lot. It amazes me how we hold on to hypothetical things and hypocrite people.. and give so much of our life to them.. that we end being nothing but just some use and throw paper napkins.. not just to be torn and thrown away but to be shredded piece by piece before they are dumped in the bin.

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♫ ♫ "If what they say is 'Nothing is forever'.. what makes love the exception?" ~ hey ya, outkast

Hai Pata Humhe..

courtesy# weheartit.com

hai pata humen ki hai ilm tujhe...

kya chubhta hai,

kya jalta hai.

hai pata humen ki hai ilm tujhe..

kya rulata hai,

aur kya khalta hai.

anjaan bane baithe jo ho tum..

de jakhm wahi,

jo na sambhalta hai.

hai pata humen ki hai ilm tujhe..

apno ke diye choton pe,

dard bhi jyada hota hai.

gar khushi tumhe mil jaye kaho to..

saanson ko main apni..

kal hi tumtak bhejwa dun.

hai pata humen ki hai hai ilm tujhe..

humse naa aise jeete..

naa marte banta hai.

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“You don't know about falling off cliffs, Prep­pie,' she said. 'You never fell off one in your god­damn life.'
'Yeah,' I said, re­cov­er­ing the power of speech. 'When I met you.” 

― Erich Segal, Love Story