A BEGINNING OR JUST ANOTHER END??

“oberoi trident+staff+mumbai terror attack”-> google search

I don’t know how many of you have done this.. I don’t know how many of you have looked for your loved ones, frends or family members on the net…to know about their well being.. I don’t know how many of you felt relaxed after knowing they are healthy and sound.. and I don’t know how many of you cried upon knowing that they perished at the hands of terror……

But I know that I am the one.. who typed these words the first thing on the internet every morning… I am the one who switched channels on the remote of his TV with sweating face… I am the one who was scared of seeing one known face among the victims…. I am the one who prayed every morning to not make me hear that familiar name on TV or net…. I am the one who believed that of all the people.. his frend would be healthy and happy……. I am the one… who felt the fear and not just anger like every Indian did……… I had my frend in Trident Oberoi…

I never had guts to call a number on my mobile…. My hands were shaking every time i tried that... I never had any idea of how to dial and say “abe kaisa hai??”.. I never had any idea of how to deal with the feelings that I was going thru at the moment… after all this is the first time.. I found that.. what losing someone could be like….

Those who died in mumbai?? Those ‘stupid common men’… Are they just tiny little rats?? Is life so cheap that it can be measured in terms of green paper that our b@$#@%d politicians offer to those who lost everything…… just everythin!!! nothing will happen this time yet… time will heal everything… time will erase every bit of it………. Some game of politics and for the ‘stupid common man’ these loses will be oblivion in making his ends meet… yet again…… is it just another end??

For the bloody terrorists…. They won on some fronts……… Yes... They were to kill people… they did it… they wanted to disrupt peace… they did it……. They wished to grind life in bits and pieces.. they did it... They wanted India to bleed… they made it bleed…… but for the first time they lost the battle at the end….. they failed to divide India in the name of religion..... Is it really a beginning??

‘Hey how is he? He worked in trident right??’.. that’s me… ‘he is at home. Fortunately his duty was off at 6pm and he left for home that day’…… a common frend… Well my frend at Trident is just fine….. The pain may be is over for me…..but the anger isn’t…………………………….

Jharne se girte boondon ki tarah,

Kya Sapnon ko bikharte dekha hai?

Kya Un sapnon me piroye dhage ko,

mitti sa tootte dekha kya?

Kya itr ki khusboo ki tarah,

Jivan se khusiyon ko udte dekha hai?

Un jaati hui khusiyon ko,

Hawa sa laut ke aate dekha hai?

Kya apni parchaiyee ko kabhi,

Ek ajnabi ke sath chalte dekha hai?

Us bhuli parchaiyee me,

Kya apne aap ko khote dekha hai?

Kya mutthi se ret ki tarah,

Kabhi armanon ko fisalte dekha hai?

Un armanon pe khade manzil ko,

Patton sa girte dekha hai?

IT'S A BOY GAL THING..

The sweet silent early morning… golden rays… cool breeze.. melodious chirping of birds……the silent streets getting ready for another lovely day ahead……

“Pehla Nasha… Pehla Khumar….” The background score…
A boy next door.. A casual wrangler denim.. a simple yellow teee… bag hanging on one shoulder.. Hands in the pockets… ear phones playing some music.. and his legs taking each step ahead in rhythm…An simple gal… red salwaar suit… long hair kissing her cheeks… a pair of maroon bangles in each arm.. long and heavy metal earrings.. compelling you to look at her beautiful face… kajal to immure you in her eyes… just a simple lip glosss.. looking down.. and moving ahead… on the same footpath.. towards the boy… still not in sight……“Naya Pyar hai naya Intezaaar…. Kar lun main kya apna haal..”She catches a sight of the guy… “Looks good”.. she thinks… “Is he actually good? Will he look at me?? What should I do? Should I look at him.. or should I keep staring at the concrete?”“Wow.. what a morning!!”.. thinks he. “And a gal in red… nothing can be better than this… her walk reveals that she is good.. oh god.. is she beautiful?? Should I look at her? NO… she would take me as another jerk.. Guess I should not look at her…..”“Ohh.. he is tall… is he handsome?? He should be!! Should I give him a smile?? He wont take me wrong?? Or will he?? God help me……” Heart beating faster than ever.. getting faster every second… getting faster with every step that brings her closer to him…Takes his right hand off from him pocket… runs his fingers through his hair..
Puts off some streaks of hair from over her face to tug it back of her ear.. takes the corner of her dupatta.. rolls it on her fingers… smiling at herself…. She keeps moving…….Pulls off his earphones… couldn’t stop himself from looking at her.. “Oh.. she is sweet.. looks better in red.. Thank god she aint looking at me” Feels she would raise her eyes.. nervously starts looking somewhere else…..
“Is he looking at me?” Pulls down her dupatta a lil… checks her steps.. looks at the guy with her corner eyes.. “Why is he not looking at me?? Idiot”

“Aee dile bekarar… Mere dile bekarar… Tu hi bata…”
About to cross her.. He couldn’t resist anymore… tries to look straight at her… “Ohh she is so so pretty… look at me goddamit…!! What is there on that stupid black concrete…..” tick tick 1.. tick tick 2…..
She turns all of a sudden… could not resist.. their eyes meet… he smiles… she sighs… then smiles looking at the concrete.. raises her head again.. looking at each other.. they cross………… smiling they move ahead……
“Pehla Nasha.. Pehla Khumar… Naya Pyar hai Naya Intezaaar”

DREAM.. BUT DREAM WISE!!

Your dreams never have an end…. If one fails.. you curse the hap a little.. come over it in a while.. and start perceiving another… another dream. If one gets sated.. in a while it will be oblivion in the plethora of dreams already fulfilled.. then another dream starts taking shape….desires never end.. plans never end... expectations never end.. Its not just you who dreams; its you, me, him, she, anyone, every one!

But, have you ever thought of one such dream that once upon a time might have ruled your life… One that you always longed for.. desperately tried for….. Reached to its proximity one day… but it slipped out of your hands, just before you could embrace it to make it yours? Have your ever traced, what your life would have been now if the dream would have been a reality?? Try it…. You will see how different life has turned out to be…….. do you still think your dream should have come true??

How did you feel when your dreams crumbled down, one after another leaving nothing to cherish.. just longing…… longing for something that you needed desperately. You have thought of so many things.. doing this.. doing that.. when your dream would come true.. all in vain!!! Nothing is left… you find no purpose of living…. You say life is a nemesis.. just when you start thinking it has lost the battle against you.. it strikes back harder.. leaving you stumped. Yet you have nothing to do.. you move on….. move on accepting another defeat…. move on accepting as it comes….

Or, can u give words to what and how you felt when you actually got what you wanted from life.. Success for yourself.. again and again… happiness for parents.. sometimes… a dream coming true… once in a while… or a BIG “expected” Surprise.. which deluged you with smiles… smiles of yourself, friends and family… rare but precious moments… always etched in your memory…. Can you define how you felt then? Can you delineate that you are feeling now, when you are reliving all those vivid moments with me?

Dreams really do have wings.. they can make you touch the sky with hope.. they can throw you down and refuse to fly anymore…. They elate you and sometimes then alleviate that happiness… So what? So what, if a dream didn’t turn into reality… So what, if a name or two didn’t get attached to your life… So what, if you can’t fly… So what, if some dreams brought you tears.. So what? Should you stop dreaming?

Dream Big, but do understand that dreaming big is about putting in much, much and much more effort to make that dream come true. Are you ready to give in so much? Think first.. Also, Dreaming is not about desiring of things which were not yours… dreaming is not longing for things which do not lie in your forte… dreaming is not coveting things which you do not deserve…. Dreaming is understanding yourself… apprehension of your own limits… devising measured plans…. observing every nuance.. And then giving wings to it… Rarely will your dream remain un-fulfilled… rarely will you feel blue….. rarely will you say “ahh!! dreams never come true”.

Remember, may be you do not have wings. May be you cannot fly. But this does not mean you cannot touch the sky.. Dream.. Dream Big.. But Dream Wise!!

Happy Dreaming!!
:)

Zindagi Hua Kya Hai Tujhe...

zindagi hua kya hai tujhe...

kyun berang hoti jaa rahi hai tu...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi rang dikhta hi nahi...
ek baar ban titli phulon ko to dekh...
kyun tu indradhanush ko pana chahti hi nahi...

kyun dhundhti hai tu aasun...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi khushi dikhti hi nahi...
ek baar zara has ke to dekh...
kyun tu muskura kar gam bhulana chahti hi nahi...

kyun andhere me khona chahti hai tu...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi raah dikhti hi nahi...
ek baar chand se nazren mila ke to dekh...
kyun badlon me rahna tu chahti hi nahi...

kyun manzil dhundh rahi tu parchaiyon me...
kyun tujhe kabhi sitare dikhte hi nahi..
ek baar pankh laga aur udd ke to dekh...
kyun tu aasman ko chuna chahti hi nahi...

kyun sannate ki taraf bhag rahi hai tu...
kyun tujhe kabhi koi sargam chhooti hi nahi..
ek baar baarish me koi geet gunguna ke to dekh..
kyun tu koi dhun chedna chahti hi nahi....

Kyun bhaaag rahi tufaano se tu..
kyun kabhi tujhe koi himmat milti hi nahi...
zara ek baar ziddi lahron se takra ke to dekh...
kyun tu jeetne ki koshish karna chahti hi nahi...

kyun band hai ek pinjre me tu..
kyun tujhe koi asha dikhti hi nahi....
ek baar badha haath un kirno ko choo ke to dekh...
kyun tu is haal se nikalna chahti hi nahi..

zindagi hua kya hai tujhe..
ek baar khulke jeee ke to dekh..

FILL THE CUP..

Sunday.. One that u desperately awaited for.. Well any working person does.. To chill off a lil with frends.. Some shopping.. Or just a saunter in the park.. Or may be a movie.. May be some chai at the nukkad and some sutta.. Or may be just a glass of mango shake and some chit chat with frens..

You are engaged in some soothing conversation.. Well, you need it the most, since Sunday’s outta be the most lazy day of the week.. And suddenly you hear “Bhaiya.. Chane le lo”.. You turn your head.. You find two small kids.. One say around 10-12 yrs old and the other may be 4-5 yrs old or may be younger.. You give a quick look at the kids though u did not wanted to.. The elder.. Sweet.. In a OK Shirt.. Shorts.. No slippers.. Holding a bucket in the left hand.. And is coddling his younger with his right arm!! You are unable to say NO to his request.. But ur gesture was enough to tell him you said NO.. “Bhaiya.. Le lo.. Acche se banaunga”.. he insists.. You shake your head all over again.. And this time you don’t have guts to look him straight in his eyes and give hima NO.. “Bhaiya, bas aaj bhar le lo.. Kal se nahi bolunga”.. he cries again.. Well you say “Nahi beta.. Nahi chahiye”..He didn’t insist anymore.. He turned away and walked off.. He didn’t request anyone else.. He just kept walking.. Dejected.. Younger, unware of anything…

Suddenly you started feeling low.. Looking down at the hard concrete you donno what is going on in your mind but you are feeling bad of something.. Suddenly images of all those young and abject kids.. Sleeping around open main holes.. Eating up anything lying on the street.. One in the local chai stalls getting castigated for what is not his fault at all.. You see a face crying for food.. Eyes filled with tears.. Some still happy with whatever they have managed for the day.. You feel like crying.. Frens ask you “what happened to you all of a sudden”.. well you say “nothing”..

It just took you two minutes to realize that the kid came to you with a ray of hope in his eyes to feed his younger brother.. May be they have lost their parents or may be they never had one.. Atleast he had the guts not to beg and take the responsibility of the kid on his own shoulders.. You get up.. Turn back in a hurry.. And start looking for the kids.. You donno whats there on ur mind.. But u just want to find the kid and do what he said or may be more……..

You search for the kids.. Everywhere in the market,.. Any place where they could be looking for their prospective sale for the evening.. You looked everywhere but couldn’t find them.. May be the almighty doesn’t want you to help them anymore.. You start feeling low.. This incident is going to haunt to for long now.. You just donno what to do? You feel desperate to help such young orphans who don’t have bread to eat, bed to sleep.. or threads to wear.. You go back to your room.. depressed and sad…

You come back to the new technical almighty “google”.. type in some random words to look for some way in which you can help kids like the one you saw today.. May be the kid was a messenger for all those others like him starving and dying….You come across many www pages.. But you find it arduous to trust any.. You are vacillated.. You are pissed off right now very badly, irritated… you fall in altercations with your near and most dear ones… you just cant do anything… unable to help urself you shut down ur lappy… lie down.. You think.. If everyone like you, makes it a point to fill just one CUP a week.. not a single kid would be starving.. Does a mere 10 bucks matter you so much that you can see those lil ones cry in front of you.. It doesn’t.. right?? Unknowingly, you take a oath.. Unknowingly, u have decided to help atleast one such kid to have the best life he/she can have.. Unknowingly, you take a pledge to fill atleast one cup a week.. Unknowingly.. but atleast you thought........ And you pray.. that everybody does………………………........

“unknowingly” if incase you decide to Fill The Cup : http://www.wfp.org/english

INTROSPECT..

This day you sit in front of your laptop.. in retrospect.. trying to gather what you expected your life after college to be.. and what it actually is.....

Well.. being a student of one of the finest technical institutions in india.. obviously you think of getting into a dream MNC..earning much more than your dad earned when he was of your age..having your own independent life..happy that you wont bother your indulgent dad anymore for money money and more money..infact you smile when you see yourself helping your dad with his finances..You see yourself in a metro city..where life moves with a pace faster than light..you see yourself..in a luxury flat.. may be rented..but still which is like your own.. beautiful..you have lot of money at hand.. you can do whatever you wish..buying mom a saree or a shawl every now and then.. and your dad an allen solly shirt..seeing which he might say “itna mehanga!!”.. but still you raise your collar.. and fill a sense of pride that you love your dad so much and you can afford it for him..You think may be after a year of work.. you will have your own.. santro.. or maruti..or any other small car for that matter.. (see you are practical and being reasonable in not thinking of a mercedes or bmw or even a honda or ford)..you see happiness beleaguering you..

The day comes.. you have made a lot of sacrifices.. or if you put it better.. you have taken a chance with your future.. you have skipped a lot many mnc’s that could have been a dream corporate of millions..but you just skipped cos it wasnt a dream for you.. your dream is yet to arrive and test you whether you deserve it to make it to reality.. or would it be dream forever..what if you are unable to convert your dream to reality.. oh god.. you are done.. you have already rejected a great offer.. or may be two great offers just to try your luck here.. what would happen.. you are tensed.. yet confident..

Things dont go as you think.. but still you make into it.. you got seleted... your ebullience can be seen clearly..but people are too pejorative at times.. everyone is like.. “why didnt you try for companies which can pay you more??”..”Well I haven’t heard of this one? Where is it?? What does it do?? Why didnt you try your luck in XYZ??” etc etc.. Well how will you explain that you actually turned down XYZ.. How will you explain you have turned down an offer which was already paying you more than your dream job.. arduous.. but then you think money is not everything..after all it cannot buy you happiness and satisfaction which only a good work, a good culture, a good ambience can..Your dream is paying you enough..and what you think matters more is the quality of work..If you are a communication engineering student you will definitely like to work with mobile phones and computers rather than making or managing databases and banking softwares for some patronizing american firm..You feel you will be doing justice to your efforts that you have put in last four years.. And now you began chilling..no studies..nothing..after all you got what you wanted.. you got what you have to do for rest of ur life..

Then one fine day you bid adieu to your loving college.. loving friends..the college life is over.. and the life of responsibilities was incipient..

You join the company..a dream come true..make new friends..some just stay colleague..and life moves on..one fine day you even find your match for life..oh god..nothing can be so perfect..you are completely satisfied..and with work..you are actually more than satisfied..you have got to do quality work..deal in bits and bytes..zeros and ones..god..Mobile Communication is just too complicated..but you are happy that you understand some of the most complicated technologies.. and you actually know how things work on which almost or rather everyone is so so dependent including our very own.. panwalas, rikshaw walas or sabjiwalas..:)....your frends have had so many trips abroad..they are not earning.. they are making money..but still you adhere to the same point..that you are happier..cos you do quality work and at the end you think money cant buy happiness ..

A year of your life is just about to get over..you have seen many things by now..your manager not inviting you (a fresher) to a lavish team dinner just by saying he doesnt have a budget..gosh..you wonder how did he know that you are a voracious?? [:P] You couldnt rent a flat and still live in a hostel.. cos flats are way above being affordable..You couldnt buy a cell phone.. neither a car.. how could you..you arent able to save anything..have you gifted your dad anything in last one year?? Oh yeah.. you did.. one allen solly shirt.. ohh just one?? Well.. that too on a credit card.. anything for mom?? Yes.. a shawl once.. six months back.. did you send any money home?? Well you didnt.. but yeah.. neither did you ask for money from your dad.. but your dad was indulgent enough to help you to buy a new HP Lappy!! After all you are his kid son and why should you not get what you want.. you need not ask for it.. he just knows it some how.. well.. Hmmm.. So what have you got for your prettly girl?? Nothing more than some.. some cards once in a while.. and a few loving smiles and some amorous words!!.. but still you are happy and complacent...

You cheer up.. you give in ur best to be accoladed as the Best Performer in the company..and you feel proud.. And then you desperately start waiting for the appraisal to happen..You think, all that you would do with your extra income of expected 7-8K a month.. You think of shifting to a new and better flat..a gift for dad and mom..a teflon coating for ur laptop..a new cell phone.. some pretty gift for your lovely girl.. wow.. dreams never end you see.!!

One fine day you receive a mail..

”This is your revised pay for the financial year 2008-2009..Congratulations..keep up the good work..”

You follow the mail below..down down down..Keeping fingers crossed yoy keep thinking.. 80k..no should be 1 lakh..or may be more..fingers still crossed..down..down..down...and there you find some numbers..you are dumb struck!! Just a meagre 30K..what the hell is this......your friends in some other firm will now be earning nearly double than you do..after all they got and increment which is nearly four times yours.. what is this??? And then you think.... Flat?? gone.. Cell phone.. may be next year!! what about a car.. well may be you are not made to drive one!! What about your dad and mom.. well they can obviously wait!! and your girl.......... phew.. you cannot do anything but crib.. you crib..crib more.. and more..but you cant do anything...

You come back to your bed (your only piece of home).. take out your laptop..sit down.. open word.. and start typing... You think and try to mark out anything positive that had happenend in the last one year since you have left your alma matter.. your college and have stepped into the real artful corporate world.. U think and realize.. may be you are doing quality work..but your friends who are earning lot more..who have seen half of the world by now.. a lot more prettier girls*.. they must be happier than you are..their parents must be happier than yours..their girl must be happier than your girl..they must be much much and much more satisfied with life than you are... after all.. money can buy happiness.. atleast in todays world, it does.......................................................

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